The Gospel According to Rednecks

"Sho'nuff I was made in Baby Jay-Zuss' image.
He ugly as sin, crazy, and stupid-as-hell, too!"

(Excerpts from the Redneck Bible translation)
"I can whore around and be a drunken slob,
and still be holier-than-thou about anyone else's
shortcomings. Don't you know a 'double standard'
is twice as good?" - Randy-Bob Bluballz

"I'd rather put on airs and put on a fancy dress
for church than put on a compassionate face. I
need my daily dose of gossip no matter how many
people it hurts or how many lives it destroys."
   - Fancy Nancy Sweets

"It's my job to destroy homosexuals and whores
and keep the nation pure from their deviancy. I just
need my computer sites blocked and the magazines
hidden under my bed to help me stay focused on my
godly work." - Clevus Dipshit

"God loves the world, and especially me and all my
friends and neighbors. But I'm lost as to why God
has saddled us with the burden of the Blacks, the
Mexicans, the Jews, and the Indians that are taking
over my precious town."  - Scary Larry Bred-In

"Whitey, please! Hey, y'all...he trying to drown my ass!"

"I'm worried about what everybody else in town
is doing wrong, and I sing for Jesus and the Lord every
week in church. I'm also the deacon. I know my daughter
didn't mind what we did together, but I sure don't want
anyone else to find out about it." - Buford Leroy Asslickre

"I talk about God and church and family and morals
and values and 'being a good Christian' all day and night.
But I cuss that bitch wife of mine out in a heartbeat
'cause she needs to get straightened out. Once in a while,
she needs a slap, too. I pray God gets her head right
eventually."  - Trolly Dikhedd

"I know the Lord is with me as I keep me and mine safe
from the evils of this world. I got enough ammunition,
weapons, and stores with me to last long enough to do
some real damage. Anybody looks at me wrong or has a
bad word for my family, I'll show them the wrath of the
Lord!" - Roscoe Fanatica

"PRAISE THE LAWRD...AND,
BLESS YOUR HEART!"

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The New Southern Shackles

In the South, if you are not part of the iconic, invasive,
Bible-breathing hive-unit, married to the idea of proselytizing
and spitting out scripture, alternately condemning and kissing ass,
you are essentially marked by the 'sign of the beast.'

It's like being behind enemy lines in a despicable military
war, where you have to watch how heavily you breathe, and
only move at night, lest you be spotted and ended, mercilessly.

You don't know which of your friends and neighbors--
or even family members--are a part of the resistance,
and all hope seems lost. One wrong move can ruin
your standing and separate you from your protection,
your favor, your resources.

The stakes are high, you can trust no one, and there's
only a tightly-clenched-teeth facade of normal living
while just under the surface persists danger, bile, hate,
and seething.

The religious nut is a dire sort, all pretense and posturing,
never truly living (for fear of sex and independence taking
over, or, more importantly, being observed.) Yet they are
duly entrenched in the midst of others' lives, self-important
savers of men, meddling in matters large and small, without
invitation.

The churches rule with a seemingly-subtle iron hand, engaging
in lies, child abuse, gossip, intimidation, and all manner of false
representations in order to maintain their grip.

These lies are so thoroughly, fearfully, inextricably mixed within
the DNA along with their compatriots obedience, shame,
self-consciousness, repression, blind adherence to militarism,
wife-beating, consumerism, poor-eating habits, isolation, myopia,
xenophobia, and so on.

To find freedom within is an individual achievement which
has to be embraced and highlighted, even if occasionally
hidden away.  The idea of extracting the region from their
psychotic addiction to cults is a pipe dream. The hold is too
great, the history too long held, the extremism too widespread.

There are invisible shackles, and the cacophony of voices

decrying their existence doesn't lessen their impact in

the least. The insidiousness is the public pretense

that they do not exist, while people lay burdened with

their weight on a daily basis.

 

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